Archive for September, 2008

So Jack is in assembly for the last day of term. The teacher says to them – if you made your own bed that morning – then you can go early and play under the COLA. Various kids stand up (who either did make their beds or are getting the hang off this plausible deniability business). Jack stays firmly seated.

Teacher says to Jack, “Didn’t you make your bed this morning then Jack?”
     “No miss.”
     “Why not – don’t you think it would help your mummy and daddy if you made your bed?”
     “I don’t see why – they didn’t make theirs.”

Thanks mate.

First patrol …
Ah yes, the season has begun. And what a superb weekend for it too. I had my first patrol of the season today on a beach that was surprisingly busy. The conditions were excellent – clear skies, 26 degrees, light winds. So we made the most of it and got some IRB practice in.

Unfortunately a couple of club members had been out earlier in the day for some ‘practice’ of their own and so we didn’t get to prep the boat as it was already on the beach. Matt took his son out for the first drive. They took off, powered out through the surf and then, just beyond the breakers, stalled the boat.

We were all watching from the shore and after several attempts to start the motor, paddles were produced. Only problem being that the wind was westerly and that was the direction they had to paddle. We watched for a while to see if they’d make any headway, but they didn’t.

So I put on a pair of fins and swam out past the breakers to them. I hung off the back of the boat and helped kick it in. On the beach a quick post mortem revealed that the fuel bladder was about a quarter full of air. When you prep the boat one of the things you always do is burp the fuel bladder to get the air out of the system. What had happened is that the morning joy riders had swapped over bladders, but hadn’t bothered burping it. Since it had already been used Matt assumed that it was good to go. So – the first rescue of the season was by me – of the club’s inshore rescue boat.

The highland fling …
Liz, Jack and her parents drove up to Robertson yesterday to spend the night with my sister and BIL. It’s the tulip festival up in the Southern Highlands and my sister was involved in some sort of float. There was also a classic car show on meaning there was plenty of interest to most members of the family. I had patrol so couldn’t go. Because, like, I’d have loved to have seen all those tulips and those Morris Minors.

I spoke to the missus on the phone and she said that everything had gone well. They were going to call in at the Illawara Fly on the way back along with a brief detour to the whale watching platform in Sandy Point. As I type this I’m expecting them to appear any second. Better clear up the beer bottles and pizza boxes. How quickly do men resort to their former slobby selves when left to their own devices? Don’t answer that.

Well didn’t that come round quickly. Our household has entered the period of the celestial calendar in which various members of Liz’s family descend on us, bringing discord, strife, bitterness and packets of bread sauce with them. In a weird conjunction of the planets, my kid brother is also be down this way because his girlfriend’s mum is leaving Denver, Colorado for the first time in her life to visit her daughter. Everyone’s arriving at Sydney airport, but a day apart.

My brother arrived much earlier in the week, dispatched from Cairns by his girlfriend to clean my parents house. Everyone will be spending a couple of nights there and my parents house, since they let the cleaners ‘go’, is not the cleanest of places. So Jim’s been sent to take some industrial strength bleach to the bathroom and to generally tidy everything up. I envy him not at all.

So we booked a day off school for Jack and drove up to Sydney to pick up Liz’s parents. The drive was completely uneventful and the airport was so quiet that we were one of only seven people waiting at the C/D passenger exit. We arrived at 9:45 and Liz’s parents appeared from the twilight zone that is immigration at 9:55. We were back on the road by 10:05 and, pausing only to buy some prawns in Surftown – back at the house by 11:30. I’ve done a few trips to the airport and that was far and away the easiest of them all.

On Friday night, my parents, my brother and his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s mum, me, Liz, Jack, my big sister and my brother-in-law all went to the Broughton Hotel for an evening meal. Apart from the fact that they forgot to cook my dad’s sirloin steak, it was a very uneventful meal.

Today I had my first ocean swim of the season and it was, predictably, so cold that my bollocks turned into bullet-proof walnut and my bell-end shrank to the size of an acorn (‘how can you tell’ said Liz when I told her). We all went to Gilmore on account of the weather being so nice – I did know beforehand that it’d be Arctic in the water but some things you’ve gotta do.

After Jack and I had enjoyed a splash about, he asked to play in the river. I suggested that Liz and parents walk along the river with him to the footbridge while I went back to the car, got changed, and met them there. I’m a bit out of practice with the old quickchange by the car though. I balanced the towel on my arse and tried to pull down my shorts without losing it, but in the end I just gave up and bared my arse to the world.

I drove down to the footbridge, to see that somebody had suggested to Jack that it might be a fun idea to boogie-board across the river. Only problem is that it’s a very fast flowing river (not deep even with the tide in though) and Jack started getting swept off course. He paniced in extremely impressive fashion, wailing so loudly that three families gathered on the banks of the river to witness a small boy in a wetsuit having a nervous fit when all he had to do was stand up in the knee deep water. Liz went to rescue him and nearly fell in herself.

Fit but you know it …
The exercising continues to go well. I’ve managed to keep up the routine of three spin classes a week and have even thrown a few sessions in the pool into the mix. It’s all for mixed reasons. I do want to get fit, but I probably wouldn’t have done anything about it if surf proficiency wasn’t nearly upon us. Last year the run-swim-run nearly killed me – I’m making sure that it doesn’t this year.

Spring is sprung …
No sooner is it announced that we’re officially into spring than the weather improves. It was just over 30° today and the weeke ahead is looking similarly nice. Jack breaks up for his spring break at the end of this week and he and Liz and her parents are off to the mountains to try and find Jack a bit of snow. I will look after the house and enjoy the rather more temperate climate here on the coast.

And now a small tour of my village courtesy of Google Street view …
Somewhat improbably, Australia is one of the first places outside the ewe-knighted staytes of uhmerrykah to get the Google Street View treatment. Basically Google drove up and down most of the streets in Australia and took photos as they went – these have been married to their excellent Google maps with the result that you can actually see what a place looks like whilst navigating your way around a street map.

Our first stop is the surf club I’m a member of. Just a couple of yards down the slope from the car park you arrive at Dolphin Beach – although Google drove around in cars not quad bikes so if you want to see more of it, check out my gallery:

View Larger Map

Okay, next up is the park where we often start our dog walks with Kali. That river is the Shoalhaven from which the folks up in Sydney drain gigalitres a day in order to flush their jobbies out to sea. The river doesn’t actually flow into the sea here (though it used to) because the first settler in the area, a certain Alexander Broughton, built a canal further down the coast and diverted the river’s flow as a result.

View Larger Map

Where next? Ah – what about my local boozer – the Heads Hotel. You’ll quite often find me sitting outside at one of those benches, sipping an ice cold beer or two or three. Be sure to check out the view from the terrace by clicking in the street view window and dragging left or right.

View Larger Map

Here is the bus stop Jack catches his school bus from on those rare occasions when we manage to get out of bed in time. Those folks there are parents awaiting their sprogs return after school.

View Larger Map

And now for the bustling commercial centre of our village. Ray Jones? Pah! Check out the burger bar, chemists, grocery and bottle shop. There are two burger bars in town, both owned by the same bloke and both very very shit. There’s also a stone-fired pizza place which is pretty good and a Chinese restaurant which is, ermm, mediocre.

View Larger Map

Down at the very end of Rivers Road you’ll find *the* prime bit of real estate in town – a large block enjoying stunning views of the river and Coolangatta hill. So what did they do? They stuck a disgusting red brick monolith of a prison block on it.

View Larger Map

That’s not to say all the houses in the heads are shit. In fact about 30 yards from the house above, is this one. Very funky looking pad isn’t it. There’s a few groovy looking houses down River Road.

View Larger Map

The poshest street in the Bay is Scott Street (not too far from our own street) and this is my favourite house on it. It’s all wood and is huuuuuge. It was sold, I believe, about two years ago for just under a million bucks.

View Larger Map

Where else? Oh yea, this is the other local boozer – the ‘bowlo’ otherwise known as the Bay Sports & Social club. Like many bowling clubs in this country it’s a pretty massive place full of pokies (slot machines), rooms in which to watch and bet on horse racing, large comfy seating areas, a gym and a restaurant.

View Larger Map

The Jackter’s school is 10km down the road in Broughton. You don’t get a very good impression of it from these street view images, but it’s a lovely little school with one of the most authentic bikesheds you’ve ever seen.

View Larger Map

Moving slightly further afield – this is Gilmore, where we spend a lot of time when the weather’s nice. This is at the northern end of Dolphin Beach and is absolutely perfect for kids. Black Head shelters the surf here so it’s always much calmer than the stretch that goes past the Bay. At the other of that little footbridge you can just make out a group of people – that’s one of the three surf schools that operate in Gilmore during the warmer months.

View Larger Map

This is Werri Beach in Sandy Point, which plays a starring role in many of the photos you’ll see in my gallery. This is a much better surfing beach than Seven Mile as it’s got a certain amount of shelter at both ends.

View Larger Map

This is the wharf at Greenwell Point. This is a very popular place with families and boaties. There’s also shit-loads of oyster beds just to the right of this image – and you can also go on boat trips from here. But the main reason to visit, besides the incredibly sleepy seaside town feel of this place – is the spectacular fish and chips you can buy at the cafe just near here.

View Larger Map

Right – that’ll do for now – hope you enjoyed the guided tour.